I come from a large extended family who typically get together to celebrate all special occasions including weddings, baby showers, birthdays, reunions and special holidays.
One of my favorite people was always my Uncle Kenny.
Always smiling, singing, joking, ‘the life of the party’, he was the first person up on the dance floor and made sure everyone was included. He really enjoyed having a cold beer and cheering on the Maple Leafs in his fully decorated Maple Leaf Man Cave. He had a way of making everyone feel very special.
He frequently invited me to ‘stop by the shop for a beer’. As a young married mother of two I didn’t travel very often. It was overwhelming especially since our youngest cried every time we went for a long (or short) drive anywhere.
When I heard he was sick I was heartbroken. I wanted to help ease the pain and suffering of this wonderful person but had no idea what I could do. My Mom kept me informed regarding his most recent tests and procedures. His illness progressed to the point that my sister and I felt we needed to make the three hour trip to spend the day with our Uncle, my Aunt and cousins.
I will remember that day forever.
We packed food, music, massage oils and put on our bravest faces. We spent the day talking, eating, drinking tea, reminiscing about the good old days, about current struggles and what was inevitably coming up. My heart was so heavy I wanted to help in any way possible. Massage therapy could help but I did not want to make him even more uncomfortable. Using a massage table was out of the question. He spent most of his days in his lazy-boy chair so I decided to massage his neck, shoulders, arms, legs and feet while he lounged in his favorite chair. He loved it and was so grateful.
Being a caregiver can be really challenging physically, mentally and emotionally so I gave my aunt and cousins gentle massages to help them through this stressful time as well.
When it was time to leave, and knowing it could be our last visit, we just couldn’t say ’good bye’, instead we looked at each other and said ‘see you later’.
My sister and I cried all the way home.
I never got to ‘stop by the shop for a beer’.
We lost our Uncle and I learned a valuable lesson. When invited to drop-in by a special person, make the long drive, crying kids and all, you may not get a second chance.
This was such a pivotal moment in my life. I realized I had to learn more about ‘end of life’ massage and care.
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